I was with a few friends the other night and we got to talking about the crazy ISIL or ISIS and how they have been destroying all those statues and stone reliefs. And then of course we started talking about all the things that have been taken out of Iran over the years.
I love Persepolis. There isn’t much left of it but it’s wonderful to just be there in the ruins. But it wasn’t until I had gone to the Louvre that I saw how amazing Persepolis really was. Most of our really great stuff is in the Louvre and the British Museum and other museums around the world. And with ISIL now on our doorstep, maybe that’s a good thing?

These guys are scary. They are truly the no fun and all mental, fundamentals. And they are rich now! The Taliban have poppy fields. These guys have oil fields. And they’re armed to the teeth with weapons they’ve collected on their way. These are weapons that were discarded by the American soldiers on their way out of the country in 2011, and the weapons they’ve collected from the Iraqi Army; trained by the American army to defend the country and keep the peace, and also weapons they have brought back with them from Syria. Iran is now fighting ISIL in Iraq, trying to stop them from reaching its borders.

Previously ISIL had been fighting in Syria against President Assad’s army alongside freedom fighters who were receiving help and support from the US.

Previously ISIL, a small militia group, had been fighting the US army in Iraq.

Previously the invasion and regime change in Iraq had left the country in turmoil and had created a fairy-tale terrorist getaway.

Previously in 2003 the US and Britain had decided it was time to disarm Saddam Hossein. Civilian deaths in Iraq between 2003 and 2011: Over 114,000

Previously in an attempt to capture Osama Bin Laden of Al-Qeda, the US had started a war with the Taliban in Afghanistan. Civilian deaths: between 18,000 and 20,000

Previously Al-Qeda had launched attacks on US soil on September 11 2001. Civilian deaths: 3,000

Previously in 1990 the US had angered Osama Bin Laden by keeping its armed forces in Saudi Arabia after throwing Saddam Hussein out of Kuwait.

Previously in 1988, an Iranian Airbus passenger plane had been shot down by a United States Navy guided missile in Iranian airspace, over Iranian territorial waters in the Persian Gulf. All 290 passengers and crew members had died instantly. US government had not even apologised for this and the incident had been ignored by western media.

Previously in 1986 The United States and Great Britain had blocked all Security Council resolutions condemning Iraq's use of chemical weapons against Iranians. Meanwhile the US had helped the Mujahedeen in Afghanistan with money and weapons in their fight against the Russians. The warfare between Russia and the Mujahidin devastated Afghanistan. Around 2 million refugees fled into Pakistan and another 1.8 million into Iran.

Previously in 1982, Osama Bin Laden had entered Afghanistan to help the Mujahedeen and had formed Al-Qaeda. Meanwhile the US was helping Iraq with weapons to be used against Iran and president Regan had removed Iraq from its list of known terrorist countries.

Previously in 1980, Iraq had invaded Iran, beginning a war that went on for 8 years. During all this time, Iraq was supported by the US with weapons (including chemical ones) and intelligence. Overall death toll: 1 million for Iran and 500,000 for Iraq.

Previously in 1979 Shah of Iran had been overthrown and the Islamic Republic of Iran had been formed. Its main mission had been to put a stop to foreign exploitation of Iran. Relations between Iran and the US had broken down completely and the US had put sanctions on Iran.

Previously the US had benefitted immensely from the very successful coup it had organized in Iran. US had now acquired 40% share in Iran’s oil. Britain’s share had now gone down to 40% and French and Dutch companies had the rest.

Previously in 1953, the democratically elected Mossadegh had been taken down from power in a CIA and MI6 drafted operation.

Previously in 1952, Mossadegh had nationalised the Iranian oil industry. This meant that instead of Britain, the Iranian people would benefit from Iran’s oil money. He also defended freedom of religion and freedom of speech. He fought for the rights of women and workers. By giving more help to farmers and sponsoring development projects in rural areas Mossadegh was trying to create a self-sufficient country that did not have to rely only on oil production. He was also trying to put an end to British political interference and exploitation of Iran’s national resources. In response to this the British government had imposed economic sanctions on Iran and was threatening military attack.

Previously in 1941, British and Russian forces had invaded Iran even though Iran had stayed mutual in Second World War and had sent the then king, Reza Shah to exile for his siding with the Germans. He had also tried to fight Britain over a very ridiculous oil deal they had signed with another king, from a completely different dynasty forty years earlier. At that time Anglo Iranian Oil Company which the British government was now a major shareholder in, had the rights to all the oil in the south of Iran. In exchange they were supposed to pay a meagre 16% of their profits to the government but they were even trying to cheat their way out of that. He had also tried to stop the French and the British from taking our ancient artefacts.

Previously in 1901 The British had bought the rights to exclusive oil exploration in the south of Iran. The Russians controlled the North.

Previously in 1895 after trying to stop our valuables from leaving the country and failing miserably, Nasereddin Shah singed a contract with the French and granted them excavation rights in Iran. They could take away half of everything they found. They took almost everything.

Previously in 1825 a collection of reliefs from Persepolis had been donated to the British Museum by Gore and William Ouseley. They had taken them from Apadana around 1811.

Well it doesn’t matter, does it? It’s not good to stay bitter about who stole whose artefacts or who overthrew whose government. And it’s not like these stone reliefs have been taken to another dimension or anything like that, is it?! They’re still on the same planet. We can still jump on planes and go and see them whenever we like…What’s that sorry?...No we can’t?!...Oh no don’t worry, we will get a visa…What’s that?...No you won’t give us visas?! … Why is that then?...Oh you think we’re terrorists!...That’s a common mistake. No you see, we’re fighting the terrorists…What’s that now?...You don’t wanna risk it?...yeah OK I understand…Yes and we did burn your flag a few times. Yes and we did take in those British navy guys that time, took their iPods and called them Mr Bean. That was mean. We let them go after a couple of days but I’m sure they were completely traumatised, not like those guys holidaying in Guantanamo, having the time of their lives. Yes that was terrible sorry about that…Yes and we did throw stones at your embassy that time, don’t remind me. That was horrible. I was talking to an Afghan friend who was saying, “Give me a drone strike on a wedding any day but never burn my flag. Getting blown up by well-dressed people who shake hands and shave their beards is acceptable; this is how you know you have a civilised, educated enemy. A few idiots burning your flag or throwing stones at your embassy wall, that’s what really hurts. That’s what the media should focus on.”

It just makes me laugh so much when I imagine these ISILs charging their way through the streets of Shiraz on their American tanks and Humvees with our severed heads on the end of their bayonets and then arriving at Persepolis and realising that the joke is on them because we’ve already been robbed! Classic! They’re gonna feel so silly. I just hope they don’t do something really awful like burn our flag or throw stones or anything like that.