Tuesday, January 24, 2006

It’s not that I really want to have a baby right now or anything like that; it’s more like I have this feeling that I must. Yes you guessed it; I’m ovulating again and those weird hormones are trying to trick my brain into thinking that what my body really needs right now is to have another person growing inside it. drug addiction treatment
But my brain being way more logical than my ovaries, refuses to accept this and points out that this is in fact the ovaries worst idea to date, followed very closely by their monthly attempts to convince the brain that we must wipe out the human race since they all seem to have been put on this earth for the sole reason to get on our nerves. The ovaries insist that this statement is in fact true and that they will stand by it. They don’t say it in so many words though as the ovaries don’t have a very large vocabulary. However they seem to have no trouble at all getting their point across. I still haven’t worked out if it’s because the ovaries are too dumb or too clever but usually what they do is to take something like ‘People bad, Baby good’ and repeat it over and over again. This can really get to poor Brain as you can imagine. addiction treatment
‘But why do we need that?’ asks Brain, ‘Are we not happy just the way we are; coming and going as we please, having a computer room instead of a baby room, being able to sleep at nights without something screaming in our ears every ten minutes?’
‘Must have baby’ shout out Ovaries. drug addiction treatment
‘No shouting please.’ says Brain trying to sound authoritative, ‘Lets discuss this like civilized beings. At the moment I don’t think your argument is convincing enough dear ovaries, so do you think you could give us any other reasons as to why you so strongly believe that we must have a baby?'
‘Must have baby’ drug treatment
‘Enough already’ Brain says impatiently
‘We make eggs, must have baby now’
‘Ok yes’ says Brain trying its best to sound sympathetic, ‘I understand. It must be very hard for you to make those eggs every month and see them go to waste like that. But haven’t you thought about how having another person in here will affect the rest of us? Take the poor breasts for example, they will have to go from the A cup, no bra wearing, free spirits that they are, to these huge growths that resemble a cow's udders and have to be strapped to the poor Back at all times because they can no longer support themselves…’
Back: ‘I aint havin’ that, no. That’s not on, no that’s just not on.’
Brain: ‘Yes thank you my friend. Don’t worry; everything’s under control. What about you breasts? Do you have anything to say about this?’
‘Well you know’ says Right Breast, ‘I’d always wondered how I’d look if I’d been a bit bigger. Maybe not that…’
‘What are doing?’ asks a mortified Brain, ‘You’re not helping. Can you just be quite and let me deal with this please?’
Right Breast replies, sounding a bit offended, ‘Well I was only saying because you asked me…’drug addiction
‘Don’t worry about that one Brain’ yells out Left Breast, ‘She gets a bit tetchy about her size because I’ve always been the bigger one.’
‘Hey this has nothing to do with that; I was just wondering…’
‘Has too.’
‘Has not.’
‘Has too, has too.’
‘Must have baby.’ drug addiction treatment
‘I’ve said it before and I say it again: I aint havin’ that. So if yous think you can just get as big as you like and dump all that weight on me, you have another thing comin’. You best think of something like hangin’ yoursefs from the sealin’ or somethin’ cause I aint dealin’ with that.’
‘Has not, has not, has not’
‘Has too, has too, has too.’
‘Must have baby’
‘Please everybody just Calm The Hell Down.’ Cries out Brain.
They all go quite for a few moments.
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‘I’m hungry. Wonder if there’s any cheese cake left.’
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12 comments:

amanda kay said...

hehehe we are on the same wavelength only mine was a metaphor and yours was a truth! besides i can only talk about babies and pregnancy in metaphors as i get farther and farther away from the possibility each day.

Behrooz said...

Shirin you play it down. You seem to toy with the idea. You want to seem a reluctant observer. You put a good amount of humour into it. Yet, to me it sounded very sad. It cuts deep; the worst war is a civil one, the most uncivilised one................... (or am I projecting myself on it?)

Dodo said...

I love conversation between body parts, ours is a bit less umm wordy.

It goes something like this.

"that one"

"no she's married"

"that one"

"no we have a gf"

"that one"

"no we already have a gf"

"that one"

"that's a guy"

"ohhh"

marieh said...

LOL, that reminds me of the cartoon with the old man and the kids traveling through blood vessels to the brain!do you know it? my brain doesnt talk eloquently but it shouts for being abused so much and wants sleep. sometimes my legs talk too (they say up up!)and in general my stomach is the moodiest one: no food, more food, not good at all!

Shirin said...

akg, don’t say that. You still have plenty of time. The later you have them the better, well at least that’s what my brain is telling me at the moment.

Behrooz, don’t worry it’s not sad at all. Every woman goes through this more or less same thing every now and then. It’s just a feeling, like feeling hungry or thirsty with the difference being that we don’t necessarily need to have this or we will die or anything like that. It’s just a strong want basically.

That’s funny dodo. I think it should end like this though:
"that one"
"that's a guy"
"ohhh" and then “Oh never mind, let’s have chelo kabab”

Marieh, Unfortunately I don’t know that cartoon. My stomach is very moody too. It goes, ‘Cake, beans, salad, lavashak, tea’ and then it complains about feeling sick!

Em said...

Ola

I like the fact that you gave some of your body parts voices...and the arguments are so funni

Haha

Zzzzzzz said...

Listen to your brain, baby.....

Nyx said...

mmmm I get the feeling almost everytime I meet a baby.... holding them, smelling them, ain't good if you've decided not to have any.

GazanKhan said...

That was nice my dear.
What is the story of the add. on top of your blog? Did they put that there without consulting you?
By the way I clicked on one ofe your adds, the free counter, the other day and today I went there to check it out and saw that it's a long cancer weblog!! apparenrly has nothing to do with counting and that sort of things. there was nothing there, so I don't know how it works and what the number really means!Do you know anything about it, how it counts, my dear weblog police?

jarvenpa said...

Yes, babies are very seductive, and women's bodies do indeed go through these periods of purely thinking "baby! baby now!! yes!' whatever the intellect may say. I am glad I had my dear ones, and also glad this is not an issue for me now (whew!) (though I will admit to looking over my eldest son's current girl friends and thinking, in some primitive, non feminist brain center : "hmmm, nice hips, good features, lovely breeder of grandchildren". I suppress these thoughts and chat about politics.

Shirin said...

And ola to you Em :-)

Zzzzzz, For the time being I am listening to the brain
;-)

Nyx, Is that what you’ve decided honey? Well you can always go back on your decision if you really wanted to, can’t you?

Gazankhan, I’ve signed up for Google Adsense to get these ads on my page. Now every time someone clicks on these ads, I get paid. So far I have made $3.64. When it reaches a hundred dollars, google will send me a check.
The counter you have on your page counts the number times your page is loaded. If you go to your homepage and click on refresh, your number goes up by one. If you click on anything in your archives, your number goes up again. So it’s not a very accurate way of finding out how many people have visited but you can get an idea from it.

Jarvenpa, that’s very funny. I wonder if my mother in law does that as well.

jarvenpa said...

Yes, I'll bet your mother in law does indeed have such thoughts, but politely doesn't express them. Like the baby urge, I think the "oh, goodie, a breeder of grandchildren!" urge is wired into our primitive brain centers or something.