Wednesday, January 18, 2006

So yesterday I go on my first bargain hunting trip to Oxford in the January sales. There’s this skirt in this shop, Whistles, reduced from £105 to £46 and I’m toying with the idea of buying it. So I go in to try it on just to see if it’s any good or not and I see that it has been reduced even further and it’s now only 24 pounds! So I think, brilliant, I’ve cheated Whistles out of twenty two big ones. But my happiness is short-lived as I realise that there aren’t any size 10s left. So I get all down about this because I really love this skirt (on account of it having multicoloured buttons randomly sewed onto it for no apparent reason). I’m about to go but there is one in size eight there and I can’t resist trying that on just to see what a great thing I’m missing and all that.
So I go into the changing room and I try it on and miracle of all miracles; it fits me perfectly! If anything, it’s even a bit loose on me. So I’m getting all ecstatic about having found this bargain skirt in my size but even more so about the fact that I have apparently gone through Christmas with all that eating and all that not moving that I’ve done, and instead of going up a size or two, I have gone the other way! But to be honest more than anything I’m excited about getting back home and writing to Gazankhan and trying to persuade him to pack up and come to LA with me where I’m certain with his genius new Anger Management course idea (burying people up to their lower lip in runny, human excrement) and my All eating Non moving diet, we are to start a couple of new trendy fads and bag ourselves a good few million dollars to put towards our pension.
I’m getting so excited about my new size and my new millions that the skirt with multicoloured buttons sewed onto it no longer looks like the great catch that I had thought it was earlier. So I say ‘come on my lovely size eight body, let’s go buy you some real clothes with our millions.’
I get dressed in my own clothes again, humming a happy little tune to myself, listening to the conversation a posh couple are having in the cubicle next to me ( -‘What do you think of this?’ -‘It’s marvellous darling. You must buy it. Only I don’t know what you are going to do about the bosoms.’ –‘Oh you don’t need to worry about that darling.’ –‘In that case, as I said, you must buy it. I’m still worried about the bosoms a little but if you are certain you can do something about them, then I guess there is nothing to worry about.’)
Next I go into East and I see these really lovely skirts. But unfortunately they are all out of any sizes under 12. So I pick up a size 12. Just so I can try it on and see it fall down and go, ‘Haaa haa you’re far too big for my skinny body.’ But I don’t get the chance to do that because the skirt does not fall! It sits there quite snugly even if you ask me.
I’m a bit confused at this point as you can imagine. All evidence point to the fact that whilst walking from Whistles to East, which are only about two minutes from each other, I have somehow gone up two dress sizes. Very strange, I know, but then again maybe not that strange compared to say, spontaneous human combustion.
Next I go to Miss Selfridge's. Turns out in this shop, I’m a non-mover at 10!

Half an hour, one person, three shops, three skirts, three sizes = One broken woman with shattered dreams and a very big question left unanswered; What exactly was that woman going to do about the bosoms?

11 comments:

ClooneyFan said...

Hey ... I have an idea. Is your skirt in the UK size scale?

Shirin said...

Yes I am talking UK sizes. So what’s your idea then? To have George Clooney come and invent a whole new size scale for people (such as yours truly) with severe swelling problems?

ClooneyFan said...

No my idea was that maybe ... the skirt that was size 12 was made in some other country with a different scale. You see here (US) if we go to H&M, we still get the UK size scale, for example if I usually wear a size 4-6, I should look for 8-10. Just a thought ...

Haha ... i put Clooney fan because the other day I saw him on TV in his awesome black Tux ... hmm... I like that guy.

. said...

Ok now Shirin, I am not being carried away or something: your prose is really mesmerising. Some may think it is the subject which is so appealing. I partly disagree because difintely it is you again who put the right content into the right form but it is the form you choose to deliver that subject which makes it all too loving. I insist that you should insist that you ought to publish something.

You know why I think I am right. Because I can well imagine your smile when you phrase your lines in this or that way. I think you write and read them as you paint on the canvass and get back to have a better look to see if every thing is all right. Yes, yes. Everything is all right.

Zoya said...

Shirin joon,
Homa gave me your email address and I lost it !!! :(
I wonder if you can give it again here.... or any other way to contact you?

iranian idiot said...

Dont Have any clue!

GazanKhan said...

I'm packed and ready darling, let's go. I haven't really appreciated the significance of my discovery, my suggestion I should say till now that you mentioned it this way, seriously; and you! you have discovered even a greater phenomenon:
[Girl changing size store by store.]
Let's go shock L.A. baby.

Mr.Behi said...

Hi,

Thanks for your comment in my blog. I wanted to reply but could not find any e-mail address here so I replied to you in my own blog. Just go for your own comment and there is a reply there. Thanks for visiting.
Behi

Em said...

Hello Shirin

I reckon that its d skirt cuttin ...n i tink UK sizes are larger than that of the US

Shadgoli said...

My dear, sizes are different from shop to shop everywhere, in all countries. Also it depends on the cut!! so there. Did you get my e-mail? Would you like to have my friends' videos??

Shirin said...

I see what you’re saying ClooneyFan. Yes I thought it was best to stick to only one country for this experiment and so all the three shops I went to were British. Basically what I think happens is that somewhere like Whistles, which is a bit of a posh shop and quite expensive and so its customers are mostly older women, goes and makes its sizes a little bit bigger than they should be (which means their size eight should really have a ten label and so on and so forth) just to make its customers feel better about themselves, you know. Whereas somewhere like Miss Selfridges which is a bit of a teenage girly shop, doesn’t need to do that because most girls that shop in there are skinny little size sixes anyway. This is my theory anyhow. Welcome by the way, I don’t think you’ve been on here before. And oh yes that George is a bit dishy.

Behrooz, as always, sweet as a na’[t] (sweet as a nut) as my friend used to say ;-) Ok sir, now that you insist, I will have a go.

Hi Zoya joon, I don’t really want to put my email address on here because I’ve been told that I will end up with a lot of junk mail, but if you go to my website, you can find an email address for me in the about me section.

That’s ok Iranian Idiot. Is this your real name by the way? Some parents can be very mean, can’t they? ;-)

So you’re up for it then Gazankhan :-) Great, let’s go my friend.

Thanks Mr Behi.

I don’t know Em, Whatever the cut, shouldn’t all the same sizes be the same at the waist at least? Well I’ve explained what my theory on this is to ClooneyFan up there. It makes sense I think.

Yes I just got your email Shadgoli but no, I don’t think I’ll have them as I don’t know where I can fit them in our flat. Thanks anyway though. Don’t forget to let me know when you need help.