Saturday, September 02, 2006

I guess most people would agree with me on this (well most people that read this blog anyway); it’s not nice seeing pictures of mutilated bodies or people being eaten alive or dieing in some other horrible way.
Being married to a Heavy Metal fan, I’m exposed to beauties such as these nearly everyday (please don’t look if you’re going to have nightmares. Yes I mean you Mother. Remember how many laps of the living room you did when we attempted watch House of Wax together? Hmm, yes leave that mouse alone dear, it’s not worth it): Butchered at Birth - Eaten Back to Life

Ahhh, you can’t imagine how many times I’ve woken up in the morning to an image of someone being torn apart by a bunch of zombies on our bedside table next to a discman and thought ‘why can’t my husband just be into porn like a normal bloke?’

So a little while ago Kamyar and I met in HMV and I noticed that he had picked up a few CDs, which was weird because he had bought some the week before and he never really used to buy many CDs. So I said, ‘You’re buying a lot of CDs lately.’ To which he replied, holding amongst others a Marilyn Manson CD (which I happen to like as well actually, the music that is not the artwork) with a picture of a crucified Marilyn on the front, minus him bottom jaw, ‘you know what’ in a bit of a you’ll-be-dead-proud-of-me-when-you-hear-this sort of tone, ‘I’m collecting these for our child.’
Yes, some people start up a college fund or a wedding fund or a post office account for their children, we prefer to invest in CDs of people with half of their face missing, singing about Satan!
I can just imagine the kind of family arguments we’re going to have in fourteen years time: ‘What do you mean you don’t like Cannibal Corpse? You know how much overtime your father had to do so he could buy these albums for you?’ or ‘You kids these days don’t appreciate anything. When I was your age back in Iran, we never had original CDs. We just had tapes that were copies of copies and artworks that were photocopied over and over again until you couldn’t tell if it was a picture of a man munching on his own insides or a man being served a plate of spaghetti bolognaise. Ahhh the good old days.’
No but joking aside, we would never force our way of thinking upon our child. This is more a case of us wanting to make sure that if our child one day expresses interest in the general cannibalism or Satanism area, we have a good collection of music and artwork for him or her to enjoy.
I’m only kidding. I know not all heavy mental fans are into cannibalism and Satanism and all that. Most of them (such as my own other half) are very lovely and gentle people actually…who just happen to enjoy listening to songs about people being ripped apart :-\


Anahita said...

my brother collects comics as some sort of investment....hmmm he is not married yet or kids (i hope!) but he thinks they are already worth a lot more than before....he has hundreds stashed away somewhere! crazy least you can listen to music while you do something else....

jarvenpa said...

Ah yes, I laughed. Of course, your kidlets will probably be into...oh, polka music, or something. Accordians and dancing. And they will think their dear dad is terribly, terribly old fashioned.

Shirin said...

Comic books :-) a lot of boys collect them, don’t they? Thinking they are going to be worth a lot one day. The good thing about that though is that there is a much bigger chance that his child is going to be into comic books than Death Metal but then his problem is that if he’s collecting them as an investment, he probably won’t let the kid touch them lest they’ll be ruined! I personally think the post office account is the best idea :-)

I really hope so Jarvenpa. I hope he or she gets into line dancing too. That’s always fun to watch ;-)

Shahin said...

Since I'm not planning on having kids, the entire vast collection of Satanism CDs of "Uncle Shahin" would be available for her/his listening pleasure.

Cheeseburger Brown said...

I'm personally divided about which would be scarier for my kids to get into in a serious way: Christian rock or Death Metal.

Each seems to have more than its fair share of "extra messages" on top of the entertainment.

Cheeseburger Brown

amanda kay said...

shirin dear, i pray for your children. that they don't listen to christian rock. it doesn't sound like there is much danger of that. auntie panda will send some music straight out of d-town. detroit. you know what i'm talkin' bout. the 313 baby. 8 mile special. mmm hmmm.

Shirin said...

How generous of you Uncle Shahin. Sounds like sismoonyeh bachamoon takmil shod!

You’re right Cheeseburger Brown, that’s a very tough choice. I personally find Christian rock scarier than Death Metal but I can’t help thinking it’ll be quite funny if he/she gets into that. Just for like a week maybe because I don’t think I could handle it for any longer ;-)

Now we’re talking Panda Pants baby. I knew I could rely on you in my time of need. Respect Yo! Keep it real. Know wha’ I’m sayin’?

singleton said...

I love this post! I'm older so it wasn't quite heavy metal my poor kids were raised with,but nonetheless, from birth, I had them listening to dead people! Jimi Hendrix, Janis Joplin, The Doors..they made it all the way to teenage hood before they/we discovered Eminem!

Shirin said...

Hi Singleton :-) We pretty much grew up with the music of dead people too but the reason for that was the Islamic Revolution which resulted in not much new music coming into the county after 1979. As teenagers (at the beginnings of the nineties) we absolutely lived on all the music from Woodstock and The Wall and things like that. Just records that people had in their homes from before the revolution. There was new music too but they were bad quality copies that had been smuggled in whereas the old ones were real records with covers and everything!