Yesterday our marriage had its biggest test of strength to date and I’m very pleased to say that it managed to come out of the other end with its head held up high.
Just as you think all is going well, there comes a time your life for you and your partner to get in your dodgy car, arm yourselves with your equally dodgy, cheapo (2.99£) map from The Works and another step by step map (yeah right) from the internet and set out to find Ikea.
O how naïve we were at the beginning and how arrogant was our way of thinking that there was no stopping us because we had two maps, a full tank of gas, two plums, two nectarines, a medium sized bottle of water and a fat spider on the dashboard for entertainment. We were like Bonnie And Clyde; fast, focused, unstoppable and in love. O how to start with we called each other ‘my love’ and ‘my darling’ and used every traffic light to give each other a cute little peck on the cheek.
The map said it would take one hour and twenty minutes. Eight missed turnings, ten separate occasions of ‘let’s just go back home.’s from me, numerous cries of, ‘Did I say turn? Did you hear me say turn? Who’s the one reading the bloody map here, huh? Well now you’ve done it. Now we have to go all the way to bloody Slough (the name of the city we sidetracked to of course changed depending on where the wrong turn had taken place. Other towns we were helplessly drawn towards included, Birmingham, Cornwall, New York and Bombay) just to be able to turn round and come all this way back again.’ countless numbers of, ‘Instead of just pointing or shouting ‘that way’, can you just give me a direction like east or west or something?’s from hubby (and then me quite innocently asking, ‘When you say left, is that my left or the map’s left?’), nine times of stopping to ask directions from strangers and exactly four hours and fifteen minutes later, hungry, thirsty and desperate for the toilet, we finally arrived at Ikea, halleluiah.
They say ‘What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’ and as I leant against that table, drinking my Pepsi and wolfing down my second hotdog of the day, I looked across at hubby in his creased up shirt, shoving the remains of his hotdog into his mouth and in proper True Romance fashion thought, ‘You are so cool, you are so cool.’