Amusing quotes from people I know or have come across at some time in my life, part 2.

Kamyar calls the emergency cervices, ‘Our neighbours have had a fight. The woman is hiding in our flat. She is covered in blood. Her drunk boyfriend has beaten her, trashed their place and now he is shouting outside our flat, trying to kick our door down. Please send some people quick.’
The woman on the other side of the phone very calmly asks, ‘Ok sir, would you consider this to be an emergency?’

The company ‘Mode Iran’ comes up with an ingenious idea after being accused of having a western word (mode) in their name. They put the two words together making ‘Modiran’ and just so there won't be any more confusions in the future, they add a little explanation underneath the name, on all their labels. It reads, ‘Modiran is the plural of Modir ('manager’ in Farsi)’

Dokhi asks Shadi if she wants a Lucky Dip Lottery ticket.
Dokhi’s little daughter asks, ‘Mum, what’s lucky dick?’

Babajoon (my granddad) explaining why he is not angry at the thief who had hit their house, ‘He is just doing his job.’

Me not being aware of the other meaning of the word, ‘ass’ and being told to illustrate a few scenes from the Midsummer night’s dream and then having drawn a picture with Helena hugging and kissing a big round bum, saying to a friend, ‘How weird of Shakespeare to write something like this.’

A little four year old Keivan looks at the framed pictures in his mum’s bedroom. In all the pictures there are always a few people smiling and generally looking very happy (as people often do in family snapshots) except the one of just Keivan, playing on his own in the garden with a hosepipe. Glumly Keivan says, ‘Me, here, all alone, with the hosepipe.’

My Aunt, ‘I can’t get through; there are too many pars carked here.’

Me, ‘What did you get?’
Kamyar, ‘Just a packet of those disgusting cereal bars.’
Me, ‘If they’re disgusting why do you buy them?’
Kamyar, ‘Because it says they have a lot of calcium in them.’
Me, ‘You know it’s very hard for your body to absorb calcium on its own.’
Kamyar, ‘It seems to go down pretty well with tea.’

A Friend at college asks his friend (who he hasn’t seen for a while) if he has found himself a girlfriend yet. ‘No’ says the friend, ‘I’m still wan*ing like a twelve year old.’

My mum’s grandmother (also known as ‘Booh nana’ which was her favourite saying and which loosely translates as, ‘O Mother’ or ‘O dear’) spits out a segment of orange and while twisting her mouth in disgust, offers the rest of the orange to her grandchildren saying, ‘Booh nana, this is horrible; you have it.’


PS Read the latest part of the Write Club story on Amanda’s blog, ‘measuring time by longitude lines’