Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Kamyar took me on a surprise trip yesterday. I mean he told me we were going on a trip, he just didn’t say where. And I didn’t quiz him about it which must have been strange for him since he knows that I’m not really into surprises. But I had figured since I don’t like trips either, I might as well keep it this way and hope for the laws of fate to follow the laws of maths and result in the outcome of my two negative experiences being a positive one.

Of course at first we had to do our customary getting lost on the way which meant I had to keep looking at the map until I felt ill and irritable and started to doubt even the laws of maths, let alone fate.
After getting lost again a couple of times in Didcot as well (which was very impressive of us I thought since the town only has about three main roads) we finally managed to find our way to the village of East Hagbourne.
As we got out of the car the last thing I heard on the radio was Jeremy Vine saying, ‘In two hours time we will be revealing something very surprising about cows…’
We walked around the village for a bit (this took just about five minutes actually) and then we decided to have a walk through one of the footpaths that went up the hill.
Ten minutes later we found ourselves on a path in the middle of two huge fields with tens of cows on either side of us. They all looked so nice and calm grazing in the autumn sun.

A couple of hours later we were back in the car, on our way to our second destination and Jeremy Vine was on the radio again warning people about how dangerous cows could be! I didn’t know this but apparently a lot of people have been killed or injured by cows. They even interviewed one poor guy that had been kicked by a cow while cycling through a field. Apparently the guy (who sounded like he was crying) had become so traumatised by this that had to take some time off work and was in therapy or something as well.
I couldn’t believe it. It all sounded like a very low budget horror movie (Dawn of the Deadly Cows). I kept saying to Kamyar, ‘Faster, faster’ I just wanted to get out of that village and away from those dangerous creatures.
I kept looking back to see if any were following us. I kept praying to god that they hadn’t become clever enough to use their udders as weapons to shoot milk at us and cause us to crash. But I think by then we were well out of their udder’s range anyway.

In the end we made it back in one piece, a bit shaken of course but that was ok; we were alive and that was all that mattered.
It’s a dangerous world out there.


Tamara said...

2 funny. The other day I had a somewhat similar experience with the radio. On my way down to and then back from Newport, Rhode Island (cute little Colonial town)... the *same* song came on at that the *exact* same place on the highway. This song off of Neil Young's new album. "The Painter".

I think someone is watching me.

Shirin said...

How weird! It definitely sounds like you are being watched. My money is on the cows trying to spook you out.

Azad said...

Moving to a city close to Canada's official cowtown (Calgary) in a few months, I always thought that I have to watch for bears only. Now, you say cows are dangerous as well?

Nothing's scarier than being chased by a mad bear when biking, then all of sudden this half-brown half-white "kind of" cute and calm cow (with a devilish soul) kicking me off my bike for the bear to reach me and eat my bones. I can't sleep well. All I see is a nightmare that a bear is crunching my bones and the cow is smiling.

Tazzy said...

If you think cows are dangerous, you've obviously not been chased around the block by a mad mother-hen for trying to play with her cute baby chicks :P
*shudders from memory*

Shirin said...

I’m sorry about scaring you like that Azad. But look on the bright side, now that you know about this you can prepare yourself. It might be a good idea to invest in a suite of armour for those biking trips in the countryside.

Tazzy I can imagine how scary that must have been. Why is it that chickens are so bad tempered? The other day in that village, I was chased by one too! And I wasn’t even trying to play with her chicks or anything. I still can’t work out what that was all about.

GazanKhan said...

Now think what cows might do when instead of ordinary grass they eat cannabis,marijuana for some time. Like those poor cows some where in Russia who had to eat a huge cannabis farm, Reuter reported a few weeks ago. I'm sure they'll eat everything and laugh all the time too.

Anonymous said...

the cows are nothing. once i was stuck in a lamb jam. the sheep swarmed the car i was in. i was somewhere in the midlands (i think the name ended in 'shire'). for a suburban american girl, this was a nightmare beyond comprehension.

the sheep, with their beady little eyes...staring me down...i think one of them tried to open the door.

farmers are brave people.


Shirin said...

Gazankhan that sounds great! Maybe we should try and feed some marijuana to these bad-tempered British cows as well; it might calm them down a bit.

Amanda, how scary that must have been for you darling. Why do you think that sheep was trying to open the door? Was he after a lift or what?

Anonymous said...

he was maliciously planning an attack. there was no other possible explanation.


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