Kamyar took me on a surprise trip yesterday. I mean he told me we were going on a trip, he just didn’t say where. And I didn’t quiz him about it which must have been strange for him since he knows that I’m not really into surprises. But I had figured since I don’t like trips either, I might as well keep it this way and hope for the laws of fate to follow the laws of maths and result in the outcome of my two negative experiences being a positive one.
Of course at first we had to do our customary getting lost on the way which meant I had to keep looking at the map until I felt ill and irritable and started to doubt even the laws of maths, let alone fate.
After getting lost again a couple of times in Didcot as well (which was very impressive of us I thought since the town only has about three main roads) we finally managed to find our way to the village of East Hagbourne.
As we got out of the car the last thing I heard on the radio was Jeremy Vine saying, ‘In two hours time we will be revealing something very surprising about cows…’
We walked around the village for a bit (this took just about five minutes actually) and then we decided to have a walk through one of the footpaths that went up the hill.
Ten minutes later we found ourselves on a path in the middle of two huge fields with tens of cows on either side of us. They all looked so nice and calm grazing in the autumn sun.
A couple of hours later we were back in the car, on our way to our second destination and Jeremy Vine was on the radio again warning people about how dangerous cows could be! I didn’t know this but apparently a lot of people have been killed or injured by cows. They even interviewed one poor guy that had been kicked by a cow while cycling through a field. Apparently the guy (who sounded like he was crying) had become so traumatised by this that had to take some time off work and was in therapy or something as well.
I couldn’t believe it. It all sounded like a very low budget horror movie (Dawn of the Deadly Cows). I kept saying to Kamyar, ‘Faster, faster’ I just wanted to get out of that village and away from those dangerous creatures.
I kept looking back to see if any were following us. I kept praying to god that they hadn’t become clever enough to use their udders as weapons to shoot milk at us and cause us to crash. But I think by then we were well out of their udder’s range anyway.
In the end we made it back in one piece, a bit shaken of course but that was ok; we were alive and that was all that mattered.
It’s a dangerous world out there.